![\"Dad](\"http:\/\/www.doorposts.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/discipline-vs-punishment-dad-and-son.jpg\")
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I remember, not too long ago, looking a child right in the eye as he begins to slowly, deliberately tilt the full cup of water in his hand. \u201cStop \u2013 don\u2019t you pour that on the floor!\u201d I say, as I watch him do exactly that.<\/p>\n
As the water hits the floor, my first thought is \u201cYou\u2019re really going to get it now!\u201d<\/p>\n
I want to swoop in with the swift punishment that such clear disobedience surely deserves.<\/p>\n
But I have to stop, and reconsider my motivation. It\u2019s not just punishment<\/i> that he needs, it\u2019s discipline<\/i>.<\/p>\n
There is a big difference between punishment and discipline, and it\u2019s important that we understand it.<\/p>\n
The goal of discipline is to bring about change<\/i>, to alter the course, while punishment merely metes out justice<\/i>, or even revenge.<\/p>\n
Our job as parents is to administer firm, loving discipline<\/i> that leads our children to repent of their sin and walk in righteousness. This discipline is both driven and tempered by the grace God has shown us in saving us from the punishment we deserve.<\/p>\n
Update:<\/strong><\/a> Thanks to the moms who pointed out the need for some practical application here. I’m going to list some reactions that could be considered straight-out punishment, and then let me describe what discipline looks like in our home, on a good day, with an almost-three-year-old.<\/p>\n First let me caution you that this is merely our method for applying these principles. It\u2019s not a formula everyone needs to follow. But hopefully it will help you see how punishment and discipline might look different in real life.<\/p>\n \u201cUh-oh. You made a mess.\u201d (In the room. We sit on the edge of the bed. My son is in my lap and I\u2019m looking him in the eye.)<\/em><\/p>\n (seriously)<\/em> \u201cDid you obey Daddy?\u201d<\/p>\n (solemnly)<\/em> \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGod says you should obey mama and daddy.\u201d (This is a good time to look at the If-Then Chart<\/a> together, if you want help explaining what he did wrong and what God says about it.) \u201cWhen you disobey, I have to give you a spanking. We\u2019re going to have two spankings now.\u201d<\/p>\n (bend over knee and give two spankings on the bottom)<\/em><\/p>\n (hug until done crying)<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI love you.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m sorry for disobeying.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI forgive you.\u201d (hug again)<\/em> \u201cWill you obey Daddy next time?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood. Let\u2019s pray for you. Dear Jesus, I thank you for ____ and for making me his daddy. Help him to obey Daddy next time. Thank you Jesus that you forgive us when we sin. Thank you that you love us. Help us to obey you. In your name we pray, amen.\u201d<\/p>\n (Usually by this point he is back to his cheerful self, and we may chat about something else or play around for a minute before leaving the room.)<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNow, let\u2019s get a towel and clean up the mess.\u201d<\/p>\n (Work on it together until done.)<\/em><\/p>\n With a younger child, you\u2019d probably have less discussion, just explaining what he did wrong and why you have to spank him. With an older child, you might have more discussion, give him a chance to tell you what he thinks he did wrong, and maybe more creative discipline based on what you know will motivate him.<\/p>\n It takes time. Especially when you\u2019re the only parent at home, it\u2019s hard to take the time to discipline like this. But in our experience, the time investment will eventually pay off.<\/p>\n To study and apply this kind of constructive discipline in your home, see Doorposts’ new chart, Ingredients of Godly Discipline<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\nWhat would punishment look like in the above situation?<\/b><\/h2>\n
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What would discipline look like?<\/b><\/h2>\n
\n\u201cYou also disobeyed Daddy. We need to have a spanking. Please go to Daddy\u2019s room.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cCan you say, \u2018Daddy, I\u2019m sorry for disobeying\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n