The Kind of Guy We Pray Our Daughters Will Marry

I ran across this list on my computer while trying to write a post this evening. It’s a list we compiled several years ago after a discussion with our girls.  We have been praying that each of them will marry a man who is:

  • A dedicated believer of the same doctrinal persuasion, equipped to lead and teach her and his family
  • Motivated by a sincere desire to glorify God through his life and the life of his family
  • Faithful in his church attendance and service in the church
  • Involved in work and service that would benefit from a wife’s help and support
  • Well-established in his vocational direction
  • Financially free
  • Teachable – seeks counsel, does not isolate himself in decisions, responds humbly to correction and suggestions
  • A one-woman man – has saved himself for his wife
  • Sexually discreet – not flirtacious
  • Self-disciplined
  • Respected by those who know him and work with him
  • Responsible – keeps his word and his commitments
  • Humbly under authority – in home, in church, under civil law
  • A student of God’s Word, seriously looking to it for guidance in all areas of life.
  • Committed to homeschooling his children and in leading/participating in the schooling
  • Committed to providing for his family and allowing his wife to care for the family at home
  • Honest – does not try to appear to be something he is not, does not misrepresent facts
  • Does not speak evil of others
  • Words are supported by his actions
  • A hard worker
  • A servant’s heart, supported by action
  • Strong leadership qualities demonstrated in his life
  • A man who will lead our daughter and their children in holiness and service
  • Money saved or vocational training that has fairly certain future

We recognize that our daughters will marry humans, which means they will marry sinners. Their husbands won’t be perfect. They will most likely not meet every “qualification” on this list. That’s OK. Our daughters are sinners, too.

Ultimately, we want our daughters and their husbands to be able to say, “I see your flaws and imperfections, but underneath, I see what God wants to make you. I want to be a part of that.”


(Photo from Closing paragraph from Speaking the Truth in Love, a sermon on Ephesians 4:15 by Pastor Dennis Tuuri, Reformation Covenant Church)




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  1. Thank you for this! I’ve been struggling with how to pray for my daughters, I know that my mother prayed for the future husbands and wives of her children. Her prayers have been blessings, as I see God’s hand in shaping my marriage before I even knew my husband. But what to pray? I trust God knows fully the life and hearts of my oldest two and knows best what they need, but your list reflects a heart for establishing homes where God is glorified, and in itself is a way of showing that we are committing our children’s futures to continued service to the Lord. I’m so glad to have a better understanding of this. Bless you!

  2. Thank you for sharing this list. I do not have daughters but I have two sons. I want to pray and raise my sons in a way that will prepare them to be husbands one day that will glorify God. Although they are both still young, I do share with them that God is preparing their future wife and that as they are growing up their mommy and daddy are helping to prepare them to be their husband. May the Lord continue to bless you!

  3. WONDERFUL! Thank you for putting into words what my heart longs for my daughters’ husbands to be AND for the man I pray my son to be!!!!! Now for a list like this for future WIVES!!! 🙂 (and for the women I pray my daughters to be)! Thank you!

  4. It is nice to finally find some Christian Blogs. I’ve joined some blog directory sites and lets just say a lot of their content is not for me. If you would like to check out my blog it is: Thanks and GOD Bless.

  5. Very nice list. My friend sent it to me today.

    The homeschooling and vocational qualifications…meh. But rest have some basis in scripture. I guess a person has freedom to pray for what s/he prefers, what is “ideal” in his/her eyes. But, for people to not meet those criteria certainly doesn’t mean they are sinners (you inserted a caveat after the list, but I am sure you did not mean to suggest that.)

    In better financial times and circumstances, those things are much easier to grasp. I am a lawyer for the past 11 years in a major city. I see the majority of law school graduates struggling to find jobs now. Most everyone who graduated in my law school class in 2001 secured their first job BEFORE our class graduated…it’s not the case anymore. I do believe we as Christians in America need to start re-evaluating our values in the area of achievement, social status, etc. The way our economy is pressing us to start doing that. God used my husband’s pursuit of me to really challenge my long held notions in these areas.
    I had certain qualifications that, as a single, I prayed my suitor would meet. And they were not based on God’s heart necessarily, just on cultural and societal ideals.

    Granted, I still want my children to get a college education and to strive for excellence in education and vocation. But, most importantly, I want them to discern what God has for them and chose to walk in that direction, whenever it is revealed to them. I want and expect them to be hard-working and honest in their work ethic, willing to do even the most menial job up earn a living. I expect them to challenge themselves to progress intellectually and financially where opportunity is available. And I want them to marry people who have the same values. No laziness.

    Thanks for sharing this!

  6. Maemoe,

    I agree with you. 🙂 Let me offer further clarification.

    Vocational considerations that really matter:

    Does the young man know how to work? Is he willing to work hard? Has he proven that in his life? Will he be willing to make whatever personal sacrifices are necessary to provide for his family?

    I think Voddie Baucham, in a talk I once heard at a homeschool conference, made a good point. If we raise the bar too high and insinuate that a young man is not prepared for marriage until he has a college degree, an established career, and money in the bank, we are basically saying marriage is only for the upper middle class. And that is simply not true.

    At the same time, a potential suitor does need to have a vocational plan (obviously subject to God’s higher plan) and a record of hard work, initiative, and self-sacrifice.

    Education issues that really matter:

    Is he committed to guarding and nurturing his family? Is he committed to applying all of Scripture to all of life, including the formal and informal education of his children? Is he committed to making the necessary sacrifices of time, energy, and money in order to do that?

    This list was compiled several years ago after asking our daughters to list what they felt was most important to consider. Our family has enjoyed the many benefits of homeschooling, and so that was an important issue to our girls. I definitely agree that it is not something everyone needs to pray for in a potential husband for their daughters.

    However, and this may offend some folks, I do believe that a potential suitor should be committed to taking full responsibility for the God-centered education of his children — whether it is through homeschooling, private schooling, tutoring, etc. — rather than turning that role over to the government and its man-centered schools.

    Thanks for commenting!